Euphonious Fridays – Detachable Penis


John S. Hall of King Missile (Source: http://neueurform.blogspot.com)

Okay.  So I know that most of you are wondering just why I’ve decided to choose a song called “Detachable Penis” as my song this Friday.  Well, I’m glad you asked.

I almost decided to let you all know about my discovery today with another post – I checked the listing of the ways that people found my blog today, and the only search term listed was the following:

“MS paint penises”

That’s right.  It would appear that someone wanted to find some very well done illustrations of penises using Microsoft Paint.  So I’ve talked about MS Paint before, but I didn’t really think that my blog had the word penis anywhere in it, but hey.  I can’t remember everything I’ve ever written.  I may have used the word when I was discussing American Psycho.  But aside from that, I can’t even think of when I would have needed to use the word.  In any case, I’m now rectifying the apparent lack of ‘penis’ on my blog.

So, to the seeker of MS paint penises today…I salute you!  You have inspired my featuring of the King Missile hit…”Detachable Penis”.  I can’t say I know a whole lot about the band.  Perhaps I should have checked out their other music, but this was just a fun song.  They’ve been described as “anti-folk”.  They do a bit of spoken word work.  And they’ve been kicking around making music (experimental rock, avant-garde jazz, dark ambient, surreal humour, neo-psychedelia) since 1986 in various incarnations with an ever-changing band line-up.  This song debuted in 1992 and became an immediate hit for the band.  I recall hearing the song quite a bit during high school and cracking up whenever it was on.

So really, I don’t know what the song is about.  Sure it’s about a penis…and it’s detachable.  But there are rumours that it goes much deeper than that…emasculation?  A metaphor?  Or is it really just a song about a man and the search for his detachable penis?  The lyrics are right below here.  You can decide for yourself!   Don’t be offended…it’s all in good fun!

Enjoy!

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again
This happens all the time
It’s detachable

This comes in handy a lot of the time
I can leave it home when I think it’s going to get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out when I don’t need it

But now and then I go to a party
Get drunk
And the next morning, I can’t for the life of me
Remember what I did with it

First I looked around my apartment
And I couldn’t find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn’t seen it either

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
‘Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time
So I told them if it pops up to let me know

I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate
I really don’t like being without my penis for too long

It makes me feel like less of a man
And I really hate having to sit down
Every time I take a leak

After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark’s Place
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it

I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17
I took it home, washed it off
And put it back on

I was happy again, complete
People sometimes tell me
I should get it permanently attached but I don’t know
Even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass
I like having a detachable penis

Detachable penis
Detachable penis
Detachable penis
 

Yup, so if you haven’t yet been offended, here’s the video for the song.  Apparently recorded off of VH1.  Is VH1 even still around?  Does it still play music videos?  Cuz MTV and MuchMusic sure don’t.  Awesome.

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My Out of Style is Coming Back


Two posts in two days!  What’s the occasion?, you ask.  Well now, I was nominated for the Stylish Blogger Award.  So I’m celebrating with some verbal diarrhea!  I was nominated by Ian at The $#!& I Think About.  Yeah, I’m married to him…you think I’m going to let a little nepotism stop me from receiving an award??  That’s just not my style…

Speaking of style, most people who know me in my offline life recognize me as “the least possible stylish person on the face of the planet”…which is better than being “the least possible stylish person beneath the surface of the planet”.  I just like to call it my own style.  And that style is either ahead of the curve, or pitifully behind.  Maybe a little of both…

Even my blogging style is erratic at best.  I’m a go with the flow kind of person.  Not necessarily wishy-washy in opinion…but certainly not as stubborn and rigid as some people may think I am (though there are things I don’t bend on – I HATE mushrooms!).

I think that before I go too far into stuff that isn’t related to this award, I’ll get down to the guidelines for receiving it.  Winners of The Stylish Blogger Award must list five of their favourite things, and then pass the award along to five worthy bloggers.  Easy as pie.

Which isn’t easy, by the way.  Do you know how complicated making pie can be?  Especially if you don’t have the required 9-inch pie plate that every recipe calls for?  Ugh.  Oh, and pi isn’t exactly easy either…try memorizing that sucker past about 10 numbers.  I still need to look it up.

Since Ian didn’t use up one of his slots with mentioning our relationship as a favourite thing, but acknowledged it beforehand…I’ll do the same.  Love you honey!  Wow…that just sounded awkward.  We don’t exactly do the pet name thing…lemme try that again.  Love you my little undead zombie monkey…there!  So much less awkward, right?  On to my other favourites…

  1. Massive Attack – They’re the band that I named my blog for, and have been one of my favourites, if not the favourite band of the past decade and a half.  I finally had the good fortune (aka money, transportation, timing, knowledge of the event prior to the event) of seeing them live last May with Ian.  They put on a phenomenal show and I hope to be able to see them at least once more before they stop touring.  If you watch House, they are responsible for the theme song.  They’ve released a bunch of albums and loads of singles.  Come to think of it, I don’t know why I’ve never dedicated a post to them before and posted my pictures!

    3D & Daddy G of Massive Attack in Toronto, May 9/10

  2. Comedy – Be it stand up, sit down, or any other number of ways that it is delivered, I can’t get enough of humour.  I adore stand up comics like George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Russell Peters, Margaret Cho, Demetri Martin, Nikki Payne, Dave Chappelle, Bill Maher, Russell Brand, Daniel Tosh…I love stand up!  I would love to spend the afternoon with one of my newest “must watch” individuals, Karl Pilkington.  I’ve apparently been living under a rock for a number of years as I’ve just recently discovered him, but I can’t get over how much this guy makes me laugh.  Seriously…check out The Ricky Gervais Show or An Idiot Abroad…you’ll love it!

    Bet you didn't think I could find a picture of Karl Pilkington AND a couple of globes...

  3. Geography – I am officially a nerd for geography.  I took a liking to the possibilities I was presented with in high school, and decided to major in it at university.  It’s less about colouring the countries all pretty like and more about the interconnectedness of the world around us.  Geography is everything!  Social, cultural, historical, economic, physical…I couldn’t resist studying something that would let me look at the development of glacial landforms in one class, the spread of disease in another, how city development is influenced by transportation hub development which is influenced by topography in a third, and how to put all of those items together in a map in a fourth class.  Alex, I bet you can name a prof for all of those courses too!  I can’t believe I’m working in my field too…it’s fantastic!
  4. Dragon Age – I am in love with this game.  Not since Marble Madness and Tetris have I been so obsessed with any one game.  I’m currently salivating as I wait for the delivery of the sequel to Dragon Age:  Origins.  It’s a role-playing game with massive replay appeal…where decisions you make early in the game affect your ending…and it’s just really pretty.

    Fighting one of the dragons...cuz, it's dragon age...oooh look...pretty, sparkly magic! Source: Bioware

  5. The North – this place has made me fall in love with winter.  If it can do that for winter, spring, summer and autumn should be spectacular.  There’s a lot of things that might make a person not like it up here, but for me, it’s an amazing place and has quickly become one of my favourite things.

    We haven't been able to photograph these yet, but when we see them, this is what they look like...

Now, enough about me…you should really be checking out these Stylish Bloggers!

  1. Holly at Holly-the-Strange – Holly is taking a brief hiatus from blogging, but when she returns, she’ll find this award waiting for her.  This is definitely to celebrate her anti-style!
  2. Christy at Mamarazzi Pages – Christy is a wonderful photographer and often blogs about her stylin’ family!
  3. Kittie at Culinary Eccentricity – Kittie blogs quite a bit about some very stylish food!
  4. Bryoneyh at [Postage Stamp Required] – Bryoneyh blogs about her adventures through post-graduate life as a single woman…with style!
  5. Lorna at Gin & Lemonade – Lorna is a reader, writer and fellow crazy cat lady, so if that doesn’t exude style, I don’t know what does!

Apokalips


What is the meaning of this blog title, oh Miss Rat?, you wonder.

Well, let me tell you the story of a little undertaking that a number of blends of mine have been involved with called The Jolie Pez Project.

The Jolie Pez Project? you ask, obviously intrigued now.  What is that all about?

The project is the brainchild of Omawarisan over at Blurt.  Oma has organized quite the operation.  He prepares transportation for The Jolie – the rather frisky action figure of Angelina Jolie circa Tomb Raider – in order to send her here, there and everywhere to visit those brave enough to host her for a week-long stay.  She plays tourist in the host city/town/village/hamlet/community and often is the centre of some very interesting debacles.  There is a rather lovely and concise description of the Jolie Pez Project here – you can follow her journey on a map, as well as read the entries that her hosts and hostesses have prepared.

Okay, so are you saying that The Jolie is coming to visit you?

Yes.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.  I’m glad that you were able to put 2 + B together.  In fact, not only is she coming to visit us, but she has arrived.  Her state of the art transportation pod has arrived, complete with space aged food for the long journey.  We will post pictures of her arrival, but we have to await approval from her “handlers”.  Personally I think she’s just stalling.  I don’t even think there are any handlers. 

Thanks to Wendy who took some time out of her busy schedule in Hammond River herding cats and peddling books and other fine wares!  Also, Wendy…we’re not 100% on this, but we’re pretty sure The Jolie ate more than her share of the dulse…

Okay, so you’re going to bring an action figure around town with you?  To take pictures?

Yes.

I don’t get it.

What’s not to get?  We show her a good ol’ fashioned time in Iqaluit so she has more life experiences to add to her plethora of travels already.  Is there something wrong with that?

Uh…but it’s an action figure…

Yeah.  And?

It doesn’t make sense…

No!  You don’t make sense!

Um…okay…

It doesn’t have to make any sense.  That’s why it works.  It’s the same reasoning behind have action figures on our wedding cake.  Because it’s cool.  So before I go off on a rant here…don’t forget to stop back for updates on The Jolie’s Misadventures in Iqaluit…either here, at Ian’s blog, or at I’ll Have Nunavut

The Apokalips has arrived.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Entertain Me


So we’re about halfway through the summer, and I have not been to the movies as much as I usually like to.  And to be honest, it’s very rare when I consider checking out comedies on the big screen.  However, there are quite a few movies coming out in the next month or so that are looking like “must see”s.  So here’s a few of mine…

Dinner For Schmucks – July 30
I can’t get over how funny this movie looks.  The chance to see Kristen Schaal and Jemaine Clement in any comedic capacity is always a draw for me.  Director Jay Roach has already displayed his funny bone with the Meet the Parents series and Austin Powers movies…so I’m looking forward to seeing how this one plays out with access to ad lib masters such as Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and Zach Galifianakis.

Suck – August 2 (Limited Release)
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Dave Foley, and this one has the makings for a pretty unique comedy.  I’ve read a review that has described it as a “rock ‘n roll vampire musical comedy road” movie.  This one was premiered at the 2009 TIFF and stars Foley, Jessica Paré and Malcolm McDowell.  I’m also looking forward to the roles played by Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins, Moby, Alex Lifeson and Iggy Pop.  I’ve always been a fan of movies that incorporate music – really good music – into their stories, and from what I’ve heard, this one does.  Fingers crossed!

The Other Guys – August 6
I know so many people who despise Will Ferrell.  I am not one of those people.  Yes…you will either enjoy his humour, or it just rubs you the wrong way, but when you love his work, you can appreciate pretty much anything he does.  Some of my favourite roles – Jacobi Mugatu, Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly (a nice homage to a role he would later choose), Buddy the Elf, Ricky Bobby, Brennan Huff, and of course his Dubbya – feature his uncanny ability to run play-by-play on his own situation.  This role looks like he’s going to continue with that style of humour, and I’m so good with that.  Throw in some Marky Mark, Sammy Jackson, The Rock, and even one of the Wayans family, and there’s some pretty funny one liner potential.  Plus, it’s Adam McKay…this dude just knows how to suss out Ferrell’s best work.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – August 13
I must admit, I’m getting old.  I’m not familiar with the graphic novel on which this movie is based.  Then again, there’s a lot of graphic novels that I have not been familiar with.  However, the story concept is fresh, and I generally like the cast that has been assembled.  I’ve read that this is Canada’s version of the Twilight saga, but actually cool – a truly Canadian export that represents the laid back youth, hipster culture that is Toronto.  So that in itself always draws me in – I love Canadian movies and stories.  We have a certain way of telling a story that’s unique to a culture made up of so many others.  I know some people are fed up of Michael Cera’s acting style, but I still find it genuine and am hoping to see a bit of range with this role.  The cast is rounded out with Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin (who I haven’t seen since Igby Goes Down and The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys), Brandon Routh and Chris Evans.

While these movies will surely keep me giggling throughout the rest of the summer, I’m always looking for more suggestions.  Anyone have any comedies they’re looking forward to?  Share your must sees so I can add them to mine.  I’ll probably put together another list of upcoming movies that aren’t comedies in the near future.  But for now, I might just need to go watch Step Brothers again…