Good Golly Miss Jolie


The Jolie has come to Nunavut.  If you don’t know what that means, you should probably read up on it.  For those of you who have been salivating with anticipation of details of her visit, I apologize for the wait!  You see, The Jolie has this thing about photos, and I’m sure her other hosts have had to deal with her “handlers”.  Unfortunately, since we’re so far north, we’ve had to have all her photos approved at great distance.  But no more waiting!  Here she is in all her Jolicity.

This is by far the most northern of her adventures so far.  Also the most cold.  As gracious hosts, we welcomed her into our home and invited her to our Superbowl party.  We also decided to bring her out to experience Wing Night at The Storehouse.  It’s an Iqaluit tradition!  She’s been trying to turn over a new leaf and make friends with some of the inhabitants of our new home, but…well…she’s The Jolie.  It appears she’s rather set in her ways.  Regardless, she has made some friends.  And she’s definitely had some adventures.  Let me tell you about some of them…

When the Jolie arrived, she was coming off of a week-long journey from New Brunswick.  Luckily her wonderful host Wendy sent along some dulse with her in order to prevent her from starving.  It worked, but there wasn’t much dulse left in her little paper bag when she showed up.

After showing her where she’d be staying for the next week or so, she quickly starting wandering off on her own to make some new friends.  Her first encounter ended up being our calico, Brit.  There was a bit of a standoff, but they ended up getting along pretty well for the most part.

When she arrived, it was prime sleeping time for our other cat Jemaine.  She slowly stalked him from afar, and eventually approached his travel crate that he usually can be found in during the day.

As you can tell, Jemaine looks pretty sleepy here.  Unfortunately for The Jolie, she mistook dopey for docile, and they quickly got into a fight.

Following her encounter with Jemaine, The Jolie decided that she needed to brush up on her survival skills.  She decided to check out our book collection and came across a couple of possibly suitable books.  Well…possible if you can apply zombie survival techniques to cats and other wildlife.

While over at the books, she noticed our DVD collection and immediately started hunting for her own movies.  She started making comments about the lack of Brad Pitt movies under her breath, but eventually all was forgiven when she found these…and exclaimed “I feel like I’m on the red carpet again!”  I didn’t bother to mention that she was on a green countertop.

Not too long after her arrival was Superbowl Sunday.  So obviously we invited her to the bash.  She again disappeared for awhile.  Our apartment is not that big.  We had no idea what she was doing.  Actually, Ian eventually discovered what we suspect was some of what was keeping her occupied when she ran off – read about that here.  But we had guests to prepare for, so we had to get going.  We later discovered that while we were preparing some of this…

…she was searching for this…

It would appear that The Jolie does not know much about football, as this jersey belongs to a former NY Giant/current New Orleans Saint…neither of whom were in this year’s Superbowl.  But we can’t fault her…it was the only jersey in her size that she could find, and she was really into the spirit of things.  That is, until the game started.  Halfway through, she commandeered the remote and switched the game to the 7th Annual Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.

She got really into the Puppy Bowl.

The Jolie decided to take some time during the next week to do some shopping.  Here in Iqaluit, and the rest of Nunavut, there are some wonderful Inuit artisans and carvers.  Being a Hollywood star and a woman, The Jolie was growing tired of her combat boots.  She decided it was time to invest in some lovely kamik (boots) for stylish tromping around town.  I later learned she was lying to me, and that they were actually a gift from someone else.  I never, ever should have made her a parka!  She’s modelling that in a post on our Nunavut blog

She was also fascinated by some of the carvings she saw.  I told her it was improper to haggle too much, as for many carvers, that is their only source of income.  Besides…the work is beautiful!  We suspect that due to our proximity to the airport, she may have snuck away across the territory to visit some other communities, as she came back one day with an owl that she kept mentioning was from Pond Inlet.

Wednesday rolled around, and Wednesday means Wing Night at The Storehouse.  We all packed up and headed up to the Astro Hill Complex and found a great table by the fireplace.  The Jolie was immediately taken in by the number of flavours of wings that were available.

She decided she wanted hot wings and was content to steal any of the drinks that the rest of us had ordered.

She had a particular fondness for my Smirnoff Arctic Berry cooler.

She also decided that she wanted to eat most of my potato wedges.

And that was after she polished off a basket of her own wings and some of everyone else’s as well.

Sufficiently full and drunk, she decided it was time to practice some of those survival and hunting skills she had been picking up over the week.  She thought she was an amazing shot!

None of us had the heart to tell her that the polar bear was already dead…

Don’t forget to check out Ian’s blog and our Nunavut blog for some further adventures.  They are coming soon!  As always, check out the originator of The Jolie Pez Project for more information…

Don’t Stop Believin’


The cast of Glee did it.  Hundreds of hopefuls on musical reality television shows do it.  Thousands of drunkards in karaoke bars on Friday night do it.  So now…I’m doing it.

That’s right…I’m finally using Don’t Stop Believin’ as a post title.  Go ahead.  You can touch me.

I know you’re wondering why I would do such a thing.  Well, I’m about to let you in on the reason.  So gather round kids…let me tell you a little something…

I’ve noticed on a lot of the blogs that I read that people are all about the bucket list.  People have 30 before 30s and 40 before 40s, etc.  There are lots of things that people want to do before a particular deadline.  I might have the ambition, but I don’t necessarily have the resources to put together such a list of must-have experiences before I die.  I also have this little problem of lack of focus sometimes, so it makes things like writing priority lists of experiences a little difficult to come up with.  What I might consider to be important one day, would not necessarily be so the next.

Regardless, the other night I was watching television, and it occurred to me that I had witnessed something on the show I was watching that I really wanted to experience.  Unfortunately, without connections, a lot of money to bribe someone, or some fairy godmother to sweep in to grant me my one wish, there’s no way, no how that I’ll get to experience what I saw.  But, that doesn’t stop me from putting together a list of the unreachable dreams and goals that I would love to accomplish in my lifetime (but probably won’t if Richard Branson is not my benefactor – cuz he can make anything possible).

I present to you…

The Ultimate Bucket List (with a hole in the side)

  1. Have my own theme music – seriously.  Who doesn’t want this?  It’s like Shaft or Black Dynamite.  Walk into a room and be greeted with a solid bass line?  I can’t think of anything better.
  2. Run down the ramp and fly into the ring at a professional wrestling event – yes.  I’m that girl.  I see those wrestlers get to make spectacular entrances every week…with loud music and pyrotechnics.  I want that.  I want to be able to do this.  It goes hand in hand with my theme music.
  3. Wax poetic with Christian Bale – does anyone really need a reason behind this?  It’s Christian Bale.  I’m fairly sure that the chat would be fairly one-sided, but I wouldn’t want to interrupt that Welsh accent, now would I?
  4. Walk the hobbit sets of Lord of the Rings – I think this one is all but a pipe dream now.  The sets have long been removed, and unless they have been securely stored in perfect condition, not even Richard Branson can help me with this one.
  5. Time travel – cuz it’d be awesome.
  6. Survive and flourish through a zombie apocalypse – I’m always working on my zombie plan.  Now to just wait for the zombies…
  7. Follow Massive Attack on their next world tour – I finally got to see this band in May of 2009 after about 14 years of being a fan.  Well worth the wait.  Their next world tour may just be their last…it would be phenomenal to witness that nightly…
  8. Build a completely self-sustained, off the grid home with its own natural water filtration system, waste management system, etc., etc., etc…. – I’m not talking a compound here.  I’m just talking about a completely environmentally sustainable home in a natural environment.  Dreams can come true!
  9. Finish playing all of the Silent Hill games – I own them all.  I have started them all.  I am too scared to finish them all.
  10. Write The Jolie Adventures.  Oh, okay, this is one on the list that WILL actually happen…soon!  It’s coming…I promise!

Apokalips


What is the meaning of this blog title, oh Miss Rat?, you wonder.

Well, let me tell you the story of a little undertaking that a number of blends of mine have been involved with called The Jolie Pez Project.

The Jolie Pez Project? you ask, obviously intrigued now.  What is that all about?

The project is the brainchild of Omawarisan over at Blurt.  Oma has organized quite the operation.  He prepares transportation for The Jolie – the rather frisky action figure of Angelina Jolie circa Tomb Raider – in order to send her here, there and everywhere to visit those brave enough to host her for a week-long stay.  She plays tourist in the host city/town/village/hamlet/community and often is the centre of some very interesting debacles.  There is a rather lovely and concise description of the Jolie Pez Project here – you can follow her journey on a map, as well as read the entries that her hosts and hostesses have prepared.

Okay, so are you saying that The Jolie is coming to visit you?

Yes.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.  I’m glad that you were able to put 2 + B together.  In fact, not only is she coming to visit us, but she has arrived.  Her state of the art transportation pod has arrived, complete with space aged food for the long journey.  We will post pictures of her arrival, but we have to await approval from her “handlers”.  Personally I think she’s just stalling.  I don’t even think there are any handlers. 

Thanks to Wendy who took some time out of her busy schedule in Hammond River herding cats and peddling books and other fine wares!  Also, Wendy…we’re not 100% on this, but we’re pretty sure The Jolie ate more than her share of the dulse…

Okay, so you’re going to bring an action figure around town with you?  To take pictures?

Yes.

I don’t get it.

What’s not to get?  We show her a good ol’ fashioned time in Iqaluit so she has more life experiences to add to her plethora of travels already.  Is there something wrong with that?

Uh…but it’s an action figure…

Yeah.  And?

It doesn’t make sense…

No!  You don’t make sense!

Um…okay…

It doesn’t have to make any sense.  That’s why it works.  It’s the same reasoning behind have action figures on our wedding cake.  Because it’s cool.  So before I go off on a rant here…don’t forget to stop back for updates on The Jolie’s Misadventures in Iqaluit…either here, at Ian’s blog, or at I’ll Have Nunavut

The Apokalips has arrived.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you…